Hope you're all doing well! It's been quite the year for me. My apologies for "coming back" and disappearing shortly after. I've had quite the year with classes and all. I've had this site for almost 4 years now... how time flies hey? I'm looking to relocate to a new site, so I'll be keeping you all posted. It's currently under construction! But in the meantime, here is a poem that I wrote about an experience/encounter I had with a patient of mine. As a nursing student, one of my favorite times in the week is in our clinical practicum where I get the chance to have some hands on practice, but also build meaningful rapport with patients. I've combined aspects of some old poems to this. See if you can find the easter eggs ;)
Save me if you can
The earth shattering slam of the wooden door
lay in reminisces of chalky slivers.
A fist of iron, and a body of rock
now crouches against a wall
using it as a boulder of support.
That was me, rather… is still me
But I can’t help but see the world
Run like a movie, without me.
I’m not who I was, and I can’t keep up;
What was is now
Shattering,
Changing,
“I don’t know if
I’m doing the right thing,
I just keep making
mistakes,
There’s so many
bad things happening,
I broke all these
relationships,
How can any of
this be okay?”
The ticking of the bomb never diminishes;
the seconds get closer
to forever darkness
and here I stay
unable to make a judgement
Is there hope? Or
shall I go?
I don’t know why,
But there’s this
pull.
I think it’s
called hope.
I no longer want
this raven to fly across the sky,
To close this
chapter of my life;
No more last
goodbyes.
Bring me back,
To the days when
Waves were a' crashing into the sand
And the moon reflected the beauty of the sun.
The times where a librettist would perfect his libretto,
I can't believe it's been roughly a year and a half since my last post. I know, my bad for completely vanishing! It's been very busy with work, school, volunteering, family life, friends, church, and just trying to balance it all. I hope everyone has been well.
I will hopefully write a new post sometime soon within the next month (before Christmas) so keep your eyes peeled! I may or may not continue with the 5 part series that I started a while back. I think I may have a new direction for where this blog could go. So await the good news! I'm hoping to come back with biweekly or monthly posts in the new year :)
Just checking in, but a new post is coming your way! Is there anything you wanted me to write about? Comment below or DM me!
Its been a solid two months or so since I last posted the introduction. I have finally finished my First Year of University! YAY, I survived exams (about 2 months ago.. but still worth celebrating haha! How have you been doing? I'm sure some of you are still in school, or some of you are working or travelling. My plans for the next two months are kind of dull. Don't have much to do other than this volunteering opportunity at the hospital that I have, which is very fun and rewarding! For confidentiality reasons, I unfortunately can't share any details with you, but I'd love to hear about what you're doing! Let me know by following me on Instagram and I'll follow you back @xo_jolee_ox or just email or comment to me :D Shout out to some new readers from the UK, France and Mauritius, glad to have you reading along :)
This next part of the 5 post series will be on Emptiness. I find that this is a common feeling associated with many individuals, especially between the teen years and early adulthood. However, a lot of the time people don't actually associate their behavioral patterns, emotions, or even tone of speech with feeling empty. Sometimes it takes time to reflect before you realize that everything that's changed lately has been because you've become more empty. Now, I use the term empty lightly and rather broadly, but before we go on, I'd just like to define what I mean by emptiness to a certain extent. To me, emptiness is a void, a lack thereof, or just the feeling of a missing piece (whatever that may be caused by). For this particular topic, I chose to express my opinions through a free-verse styled poem. Feel free to let me know your opinions too!
Eaten Alive
Eternal darkness, with a depth deeper than the soul can bear
Like a tsunami of 20 feet
clawing and rolling, biting everything it meets.
Curled in a fetal position,
being swallowed wave after wave.
Yet what goes through the mind?
Nothing
No flash backs, no pain, no memories.
Emptiness
The yearning to be remembered
the yearning to remember
to yearn to belong,
to belong where no one else knows you even exist.
As shadows swallow the soul
the need to feel loved
to feel wanted
for a purpose, is something
one can't suppress,
but displays itself with a void.
Who can fill this void?
A love interest, a friend, family?
Hobbies, books, movies?
A hidden identity?
A step away from reality?
I believe we long for the feeling
of a greater person.
A comforter in which we know
has our life in his hands.
Not a genie, and not exactly a ghost
Perhaps our creator,
Someone who knows.
Who can tell us why we are remembered,
a reason for others to remember us,
a reason to prove we do belong, even when we feel invisible.
To provide for us a love interest
To help us make amends with friends and families
To bring us back to a reality where
the world is but as broken as we are,
where the void is in everyone.
A place where darkness swallows
and wraps around every corner
waiting for the light.
With just a bit of faith
the brokenness heals.
One becomes the light.
With just a bit of faith
maybe tonight,
We won't be eaten alive.
Hopefully that was open to your interpretation, and not completely close-minded. It was my take on my emptiness. You may find it vague, and indirect, or perhaps in ways too direct. But I just wish that it could be reflective. From what I believe, I think my faith helps me with my emptiness. As a Christian, I believe in a greater purpose for my life. The emptiness or void I may feel may be a lack of a relationship with Christ. I won't try to convert you, and neither will I hold back my devotion to my faith. But believe what you choose to believe. Ask questions where you choose to ask questions. But know one thing, regardless of whatever religion, faith or lack there of that you practice - the world is a corrupt place, filled with broken people who are being swallowed by pride, emptiness, lack of trust, loss of hope - you name it. What this world needs is people with a light, people with hope, those who have the capacity to love. We are all empty somewhere inside, and we all have a void that needs to be filled. Just a little spark of kindness could fill gaps among people. Just a little bit of hope can bring someone up from the slumps. First, I believe, one needs to know what is drilling their void deeper and eating them up alive. But my golden rule for those who are willing to help the empty, is to be kind - always.
Hopefully that was not dull, but rather reflective. Feel free to leave comments, message me directly, or anything if you have questions or would like to state your opinion. Glad to have fellow bloggers and readers to share inputs and ideas with. Here's just a quick song (as tradition) haha. Straight off Youtube, Danny Gokey singing Tell Your Heart To Beat Again. If you have never heard of the backstory to this song, I suggest you search it up, it's rather inspiring. No matter how deep your emptiness may be, simply tell your heart to breath again and step into a light of tomorrow where you can climb your way out.
Sorry for the extended unexcused absence with no new posts. Things have been super busy lately with lots going on. I'm currently trying to start up my own company alongside my younger sister, and there have been quite a few weddings that I'm helping to prepare for.
Now cutting down to the chase, I will be continuing this 5 parts series as introduced in my last post, and I'm glad to say I'm almost done writing about the next topic which is ... Emptiness. Hopefully my perspective will be something refreshing and different, but let me know what you think! I'll hopefully have that up in the next week or two.
A little bit about me in the meantime, just thought you'd like to know that I am currently a Nursing student and I just finished my first year and am volunteering as a research assistant at a local Children's Hospital over the summer. I'd love to know more about my readers and fellow bloggers, as it would be great to become friends! I recently got instagram, so feel free to follow me @xo_jolee_ox
Hope to hear from you all shortly! And welcome to my new readers from the UK and Croatia!
Till later ~ Music is for Healing! <3
JLogging it ~ JoLee
Good Day Friends!
How are you all doing? It has been a while since I last updated any blog posts. Hopefully you are all doing well. Things have been really busy and stressful for me, and so I've hardly had the time to even be online.
Lately, I've realized how empty life can be. I see my friends suffer from isolation, depression, anxiety and loss of hope and motivation. I see fear in the eyes of those I speak with on topics of trust. As suggested by a friend at my University, these next few blog posts will be a bit of a trend on Emptiness, Trust, Love and Hope. We came up with the idea together, and maybe she will come and write one of the parts herself. I'd like to speak to all four areas of this and simply bring out some questions you may have never asked yourself. I'm hoping to be able to express these aspects of life through short essays, poems, stories, and/or songs. Please look forward to them! To start it off, here is an introduction.
A Struggle for Survival in an Inconstant World
Introduction
As infants, psychologically the first thing we seek in our developmental stages is trust between the ages of 0-2, given by our care givers (whether that be a nanny, relative or parents). Since birth, trust plays a factor in our lives. However, not everyone enters the world to be received by worldly love. Yet even those who do; what happens? A world filled with: emptiness, lack of trust, loss of love, diminishing hope, has no light to shine and no future to offer - or does it? Do we bring suffering upon ourselves or are other people just constantly attacking us? Regardless of your answer now, know things change. Like caterpillars that morph into butterflies, like the day turns into the night, or the shift of a high to low tide; there is adventure and beauty in it all. But most of all, regardless of the change, one can extract from it strength. In this five part blog, I hope we can venture through the changes and discoveries of emptiness, trust, love and hope together. See you on the other side ~~
Thanks for being such dedicated friends, fellow bloggers, and blog readers. Here are few songs for you. They were the inspiration behind this 5 part blog. Enjoy :)
Never Too Late - Secondhand Serenade
Is There Anybody Out There - Secondhand Serenade
How To Save a Life - the Fray (Covered by Tyler Ward & Max Schneider) - Acoustic
"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever." - Lance Armstrong
Music is for Healing!
Till Later ~ <3
JLogging it - JoLee
First official post of 2016!! <3 Excited? I am!! To be completely honest, I have a hard time coming up with what to write sometimes. It's not just writers block, but more like I just have nothing interesting to say both about my life or in general. But I've had some time to think, which is awesome. So here you all are; nothing beats reflecting while a new year is in place! Please enjoy.
You know how they say a person's past haunts them? Well, honestly, they aren't completely wrong to believe that. I believe there are three types of people in a large scope of things. Of course, this is like a continuum, so these are extremes. First are the people who live in the past. They can't give up what has passed, and base every decision on what happened to them previously. This leads to the second group, and extreme from the first where all their choices in life are based on their future. Their goal is set, and they simply believe in getting there, and that's all they see; sometimes missing out on the present and disregard their past; often not learning from mistakes. Lastly, there's people who believe in the now, our present-thinkers. They believe that there's no use thinking about the past, or thinking the future, just live in the now right? #yolo. haha jokes.
Anyhow -- I personally believe there's more to life than just this! Don't just live in one scope. Take a look at what's happening around you on a day to day basis, don't miss out on the little stuff. But also remember to dream big and have hopes! That will give you direction and purpose in life, but also remember to look back. Memories are a gift to us, blessings and grace. Sometimes memories hurt, sometimes they remind us of how dark, sick and twisted our lives use to be, but honestly I think our past serves our identity strongly. I've come to realize that individuals who are accepting of their pasts make out to be the strongest individuals I know. WHY? Well, think about it. People like to disregard a past that is painful, dark, sick, or twisted. It shows our frailty, our in-capabilities, our brokenness. There's nothing we can change about it, so why should we keep reminding ourselves of it? Our history, our past, it does't make us weaker. It makes us stronger. The brokenness, the darkness, the painfulness only shows our experience. You can recover in the present by acknowledging and accepting the past, and turning it into a strength. The more dark, sick and messed up you may think your life was, could be the saving grace of someone now, or in the future when you are helping those around you go through their current circumstances. You just have to change what hurt before; the brokenness, the inability to do anything, the helplessness, into something strong. (I won't tell you how to be strong though, that's for you to work out!) Dare to live strong, and you may find your identity, and a new-found strength.
Last two things: a quick quote from Ernest Hemingway "We are all broken. That's how the light get's in." Light is strength, and I believe that is the only thing that can heal the broken, but only if you let it.
Here's a song I really like about fighting the past and moving on. Don't let your past hold you down. Wear those battle scars with pride! I present to you Dare ~ Gentri
Well, hope you're all having a great start to the New Year! Don't be me; a couch potato ;)
Till Next Time!
Music is for Healing <3
JLogging it ~ JoLee
"The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Cor. 5:17
Hey Everyone!! Wow.. feels kinda weird to be blogging again. First off, I know I haven't posted any entries in ages, my apologies. No main reason or excuse other than the fact that life is kinda busy! Freshman in college/university = hectic. Life is upside down, stressed out, I'm not a party-er--so not much parties. But none the less balancing family, school, friends, volunteering, religion and commitment itself is already a handfull.
Welcome my friends to a great start of 2016! We have much to look forward to, and even more to look back at if we choose to, but you know what; leave the baggage behind! What has happened in this past year is still a part of your book of life, but starting today, we write a new chapter. These blank opportunities are available for change, a difference, and significance. Don't write another filler chapter, make it exciting, thrilling, and meaningful.
Wishing you all the best with your New Years resolutions! It's hard to keep at them, but I believe you all can! Put your best into whatever you do, and you will see the reward in the end! My resolution to you all is a desire to make more posts and entries. With a better understanding of what my life holds, I will be able to time manage things better and hopefully that will make a difference.
Here's a little song for y'all. Gotta say, I love Pentatonix! haha. Here you go!! Straight from YouTube ;)
Sorry for the short, rant-like, and cheesy/cliche entry. Many more meaningful ones to come!
HAPPY NEW YEARS!!
God Bless the year of 2016!
Music is for Healing ~~
Till Next time!
JLogging it ~ JoLee
